Author Topic: Why are you even talking about this?  (Read 1112 times)

Offline uScott

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Why are you even talking about this?
« on: February 10, 2012, 11:55:50 PM »
So I was sitting in my office today when some anonymous student[1] wanders in and starts asking me about my leg. Hey, how's the leg? Oh, I was a student here back when you lost it. Wasn't it above the knee?

And I'm like...umm, it's fine...and...ah...you know, this isn't a topic for conversation, is there anything else I can help you with today?

And the guy gets this hurt look on his face, and then he goes away.

Back when I lost my leg, it wasn't a big secret, I went to work on crutches for a while and when people were curious I put them at ease. Even now I'm not shy about dressing for comfort. If I'm in shorts and someone's just curious, that's fine. It's just life, and when I show that I'm OK with it, it's easier for you to be OK with it too.

But to bring it up apropos of nothing, or quiz me down on gritty details...I'm sorry, but that's beyond curiosity, edging past inconsiderate into frank rudeness. I'm not inclined to indulge that, and I'll shut you down in a hurry.

Am I wrong? I mean, I'm still gonna do exactly what I do anyway, but...dang, it's just been a while since anybody got in my face like that, and I did not like it today. Just venting a little I guess.




Note [1]: I work in higher education, "student" can be any age from 16 to 90+, and some of them hang around for years....

Offline Steve C

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Re: Why are you even talking about this?
« Reply #1 on: February 11, 2012, 06:27:25 AM »
I think some people just don' t realise what they're really doing. For me losing my leg is probably the worse thing that as ever happened to me. I've heard that psychologically its akin to losing a family member only with the added business of physical pain, constant reminders and the possible destruction of self esteme. How would this student felt if you were to have replyed by asking about how their dealing with the death of their parent or sibling that had died years before or asking about their weight or alchohol problem. People sometimes don't seem to know the boundries and blindly leap over them. On a positive note it seems that you come across as approachable.
With being a teacher or school official it is always good to be friendly but I can imagine your private life should be off limits unless you decide to discuss it.

Myself I have several friends that I may not see that often. Some when we do meet up every few months/years will usually start conversations with 'So hows the leg?'.  I usually reply with 'fine, hows yours?' and then ask what they've been up to since I last saw them.
Where ever I go, I'll always have one foot in Ireland   /   I'm not a complete fool. Some parts are missing.

Offline anne f.

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Re: Why are you even talking about this?
« Reply #2 on: February 11, 2012, 02:54:48 PM »
It's a thin line that we walk, being accessible to those who show a genuine concern but risking being disrespected by those who think that our accessibility and desire to educate means that all conversations are "no holds barred".  I like Steve's analogy of it being like losing a family member,  in what universe would it be cool to walk up to someone and start questioning them about details of their loved ones death.
I have had the odd person over the years say stupid things like "How do you stand it" or "I don't know how you do it, I couldn't stand it" at which point I have to look them in the eye and say I didn't choose this, what would you have me do, eat a bullet?  At which point they (sometimes) have the decency to look embarrassed, some people still have no idea how utterly idiotic their statements were.

Anne F.

Offline pegleg jack

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Re: Why are you even talking about this?
« Reply #3 on: February 12, 2012, 05:59:16 PM »
most of you have what i call one good leg to stand on, you need to be in my boat and have two of the dang thing and wear shorts like i do alll the time except if we have to go toa formal occassion then i will wear long pants, and hear some of the statements that are not actually aimed at me but i still hear them. i look at it this way, IF THEY DONT LIKE WHAT THEY SEE, THEN LOOK THE OTHER WAY, I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT THE WAY I LOOK, BUT WITH OUT THEM I SURE WOULD HAVE ONE HECK OF A TIME GETTING AROUND AND I AM UP AND WALKING AND AT MY AGE 69, I DONT KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I HAVE THAT I CAN WALK ON BOTH OF THEM. AM GOING TO GO AS LONG AS I CAN BEFORE I WIND UP RIDING A SET OF WHEELS.
you-all have a great day.

Offline stinker373

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Re: Why are you even talking about this?
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2012, 10:47:34 PM »
Well said Jack, I get lots of questions to and I know who is asking to learn something or be bullheaded as I put it.  I am very willing to give info and answer questions.  There are lots of peeps that stare  through ignorance and ask rather gruflly what happened like its an order to answer them geeesh wtf is wrong with them lol..