Author Topic: Intimicy question  (Read 4013 times)

Offline edinct

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Re: Intimicy question
« Reply #15 on: April 27, 2009, 08:03:49 AM »
Wanted to thank everyone for thier input.
It helps to see others thoughts and perspectives.
I am going to be contacting a counselor to see if I can get some help with my issues.
I'll keep everyone posted.
ED

Offline Mitchee

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Re: Intimicy question
« Reply #16 on: April 27, 2009, 12:55:53 PM »
Good luck Ed and I look forward to reading your future posts.


Minerva, I think it's a case of how you see the glass... half empty or half full.  Because I think that there is probably someone else worse off than myself doesn't mean that I think I'm better than someone else.  It just means that I don't feel sorry for myself because of my situation.  I always think that things could be worse so I am grateful for what I have and can do.  I see the glass as half full instead of focusing on what I can't do or what I don't have.  I think you're reading too much into a simple statement.  One statement made on an internet forum does not indicate whether someone has self esteem or whether someone has come to terms with anything that life has thrown at them. 
Initial injury:  July 1985
Amputation:  December 2006 - Ertl LBKA

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
 -Lao Tzu

Offline Minerva

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Re: Intimicy question
« Reply #17 on: April 27, 2009, 04:41:59 PM »
Quote
I think it's a case of how you see the glass... half empty or half full.  Because I think that there is probably someone else worse off than myself doesn't mean that I think I'm better than someone else.  It just means that I don't feel sorry for myself because of my situation.  I always think that things could be worse so I am grateful for what I have and can do.  I see the glass as half full instead of focusing on what I can't do or what I don't have.  I think you're reading too much into a simple statement.  One statement made on an internet forum does not indicate whether someone has self esteem or whether someone has come to terms with anything that life has thrown at them.

Michelle, 'not feeling sorry for yourself' and 'feeling that you're not as badly off as someone else' are two different things. 'Feeling sorry for yourself' is when you're in emotional pain. 'Feeling better off than someone else' is a form of one-upmanship that helps boost self-esteem (in the short term, in my experience).

What I said stems from personal experience. As a bilateral amp from childhood, I have been on the receiving end of the 'I'm better off than you are' attitude quite a few times (less so now, than when I was a child) ... in 'fitting rooms'.  ::) They used to say things like 'There's always someone worse off than yourself, isn't there ... I mean look at poor you for example' and they would smile to themselves.
I can honestly say that it's not a productive thing at all to the other person ... at one point I didn't discuss how I lost my limbs until I was certain the other person was 'OK'. And, I'm not the only one (not by any stretch of the imagination, unfortunately) - quite a few of the 'congenital amps' (who had their amps as children) don't discuss how they lost their limbs for the same reason ... and so do most of the 'cancer amps' I've met. There's definitely a pecking order in fitting rooms (congenital/cancer/bilaterals/HD's at the bottom, and accident/single/BK's at the top).

I'm not going to get into an argument about this ... it's entirely up to you what you think (and I mean that in a nice way). :) But, just remember that some people can sense when you feel 'better off' than they are.

Wanted to thank everyone for thier input.
It helps to see others thoughts and perspectives.
I am going to be contacting a counselor to see if I can get some help with my issues.
I'll keep everyone posted.

I think that's great, Ed! :) If you get on with your counsellor, try and stick with it ... you may feel worse before you feel better, but that's normal.

Take care  :)

PS Btw I don't think you could find many people as positive as I am. :)

Offline Mitchee

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Re: Intimicy question
« Reply #18 on: April 27, 2009, 05:45:50 PM »
Minerva, I understand what you are saying.  I don't think that many of us think that we are better than anyone else.  I certainly don't think that I am better than anyone else, I'm far from it.  I have nothing to be 'high and mighty' about.  Anyone who says and believes such things is a fool.  I believe that you always treat someone how you would want to be treated.  That means thinking before you speak.  I certainly don't believe in any pecking order for amps or anything else.  I think that Dick and I are trying to say the same thing...  We are grateful for what we have and can do.  It wasn't meant to be taken as a 'I'm better than you' statement.   :)
Initial injury:  July 1985
Amputation:  December 2006 - Ertl LBKA

"The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step."
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Offline Robogirl

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Re: Intimicy question
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2009, 12:22:00 PM »
Well said, Mitchee!  I've always tried to focus on what I can do and not what I can't.... just no point to it.  Once you get past the initial period of grief and adjustment, I believe your "glass half full" philosophy is the happiest/healthiest way to live, although some may require psychological help along the way. In all my years as an AK amputee due to cancer, I've fortunately never felt the presence of a pecking order based on level/cause of amputation among my fellow amputees. What I have experienced is respect and support from them.

You've received some good advice, Ed.  Since I was a child when my leg was amputated, I had not experienced an intimate relationship yet, so have no before/after to compare it to.

Cheers!    :)
« Last Edit: May 06, 2009, 12:24:45 PM by Robogirl »
"The race does not always go to the swift, but often to those who keep on running."